It’s Friday, and here at joebunting.com, on Fridays we exclude.
After a fellow Santa Barbaranite whose blog I read, Roy, wrote about the politics behind abortion, I was upset. I am generally opposed to abortion, although I think it is a complicated and emotionally charged debate, so I hold it loosely. It wasn’t the politics that made me mad though. It was Roy’s tone.
Roy loves Obama, and one of the presidential candidates central messages is respect in the midst of disagreement. I didn’t think Roy was following Obama’s example. In fact, I called him out on being disrespectful.
Roy handled it very well. It turned into an honest, civil discussion in which I think we both learned something.
However, right in the midst of it, Jeff spoke up, calling Roy and other pro-choicers ” liberal crybabies like you standing in the way of moral progress.”
Basically, displaying the kind of behavior which is exactly the opposite of the kind of civil conversation in which both sides hear each other’s opinions and are open to learn.
Jeff, you’re a jerk. Consider yourself ignored.
See Roy’s article and our interaction in the comments section here.
I was reading at a coffee shop when I heard a mother say this to her child, who had just come out of the restroom.
“Ian. Ian. Did you get your ass cleaned?”
What?
She repeated,
“Did you get you ass cleaned?”
Really? How weirdly crass and grossly over-mothering are you?
She turned to her husband and said,
“Yeah, he got his ice cream.”
Oh. That makes more sense.
I had a fantastic time at the coffee shop on Monday night. It was warm out. I didn’t really need the red flannel shirt I was wearing, the one with the two bottom buttons missing and the hole in the elbow.
Do you ever have moments where you are awake? Moments when you notice the way the street lights make the buildings glow like a desert dune at dusk. Moments when you realize how tall some of the buildings on State Street are, and how beautiful, palatial even.
Do you ever have moments where you feel like a kid again, and every tree is a potential fort, even palm trees. You think about how fun it would be to climb up to the top of one and look out over the imaginary jungle, and then go swinging from a vine to the next palm tree fort in your jungle kingdom.
Most of the time I don’t think like this. I am caged in a world of my own thoughts, and I can’t even see the red bricks in front of me as I walked to Java Jones, let alone the cool Spanish, ivy-covered arch in Paseo Nuevo. Monday night, though, I did notice, and for some reason, I get in this state of mind when:
- I am listening or have just finished listening to really good music,
- I am at, am going to, or have just left a coffee shop, and
- I am feeling spiritually connected to God.
I don’t understand it, but every once in a while all these things come together. In those perfect moments, I walk through town seeing. Really seeing. Like a painter sees a pink and orange sunset. Like a musician hears the song she has just recorded and enjoys the perfection of each note. Like a smoker feels when he has that first cigarette in the chilly morning. The way he imagines he’s the Marlboro man, sitting atop his horse, gazing at the red horizon.
In these moments I think I feel like Jesus must have felt after he was baptised, when a white dove landed on his shoulder, the heavens opened up, and his soul leapt with the Father’s love.
I think I’m a better writer than a singer/songwriter. I’m pretty good at writing songs. My songs are deep and interesting and deal with weighty topics like despair, forgiveness, and hope. Brett and I performed them in our living room and made two people cry. We performed them for the Golden Gate showat Northstar Coffee Co. and made a whole bunch of people cry.
For me, making people cry is the biggest success I could ask for. It sounds weird to say it, but my greatest joy in art is to see tears running down their faces or their eyes watery and close to bursting. Some musicians like to make their audience dance, I like to make them cry.
There’s an honesty about crying. There’s a vulnerability in it, and I am blessed by your tears’ trust in me. Also, I know this is sort of corny, but I stumbled on this little poem by Jen Lemen, and I agree with her when she says, “I believe in the power of tears to heal your heart.” I rarely cry, but I know it’s an important moment when I do.
The thing is, when I was performing my songs, the only people who ever teared up were women. I don’t know why, but I never succeeded in making any guys cry. Sure, it’s a difficult task. Guys are notoriously dry-eyed, but I take that as challenge. I want to bring tears to the ones who think they’re the toughest.
I think I’m a better writer than a singer/songwriter. I just wrote an article for a newsletter, a newsletter for a Christian community, and I guess the article was good because it made guys cry. Yep, that’s right I got word that at least 2 men cried while reading it.
Last time, my song “A Thousand Skins” made 2 women cry. This time, my article made 2 men cry. I’m not going to include my article here (but if you are really curious email me, and I’ll send it to you), but
The funny thing is, when I was reading it again, to my surprise I started to tear up myself. What a privilege! You know you’re doing something right when you can believe in your work so much it still makes you cry.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing my little success story. I’m quite excited about it.
You didn’t know that was possible, did you?
Well believe it.
The Palm Tree with Pinecones
Lately, I’ve had a couple of conversations with friends working with highly narcissistic people. My friends are shocked that someone could be so self-absorbed, and they’re finding it’s almost unbearable to work with them. That’s understandable because narcissists, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, are irrational, annoying, and can often be abusive.
Get Out While You Can
However, narcissists are hard to spot at first. They are often highly charismatic and successful, and can be a lot of fun, the life of the party. But, stand in the way of something they want, shift attention away from them, or accuse them of something, and watch out.
Dr. Sam Vaknin has this to say about them:
The narcissist is a micro-manager. He exerts control over the minutest details and behaviors. He punishes severely and abuses with holders of information and those who fail to conform to his wishes and goals.
Read the rest of this entry »
It’s Friday. Yaaahoooooooooo! By the way, for that “yahoo,” I was singing the yahoo jingle. You know the one. It goes, “Yaaahooo-ooo-oooo.” Did you get it? No? Well you could if you could hear what it sounds like in my head. When are those scientists going to get on the ball and invent telepathy? That’s what I want to know.
Oh yeah, today is Friday, and on Friday here at joebunting.com, we choose to exclude in a spirit of helpfulness. Sometimes when you run a service, a service like a blog, you have to do things you don’t like. One of those hard, but important things is that every once in a while, you have to fire customers, or readers in our case.
Just below, in the article titled “How to Handle a Narcissist,” I talk about guess what, how to handle a narcissist. The thing is, personally I’d rather not handle any narcissists. I’d rather fire them.
So,
If you’re a narcissist. Please leave.
Everyone’s got a little bit of narcissism. I definitely have a nice little vein of it running through me, like a vein of silver in a mountain. It’s normal and healthy to have a bit, but you narcissists are like a ginormous mountain of pure silver.
You don’t care about others. Empathy isn’t even in you’re vocabulary. You’re conceited, vain, constantly anxious that others are giving you the credit you deserve, and a pain in the ass.
You’re fired.
Oh, and if you’re not a narcissist, please read the article below. I hope you find it helpful.
