It’s Friday, and here at joebunting.com, on Fridays we exclude.
After a fellow Santa Barbaranite whose blog I read, Roy, wrote about the politics behind abortion, I was upset. I am generally opposed to abortion, although I think it is a complicated and emotionally charged debate, so I hold it loosely. It wasn’t the politics that made me mad though. It was Roy’s tone.
Roy loves Obama, and one of the presidential candidates central messages is respect in the midst of disagreement. I didn’t think Roy was following Obama’s example. In fact, I called him out on being disrespectful.
Roy handled it very well. It turned into an honest, civil discussion in which I think we both learned something.
However, right in the midst of it, Jeff spoke up, calling Roy and other pro-choicers ” liberal crybabies like you standing in the way of moral progress.”
Basically, displaying the kind of behavior which is exactly the opposite of the kind of civil conversation in which both sides hear each other’s opinions and are open to learn.
Jeff, you’re a jerk. Consider yourself ignored.
See Roy’s article and our interaction in the comments section here.
It’s Friday. Yaaahoooooooooo! By the way, for that “yahoo,” I was singing the yahoo jingle. You know the one. It goes, “Yaaahooo-ooo-oooo.” Did you get it? No? Well you could if you could hear what it sounds like in my head. When are those scientists going to get on the ball and invent telepathy? That’s what I want to know.
Oh yeah, today is Friday, and on Friday here at joebunting.com, we choose to exclude in a spirit of helpfulness. Sometimes when you run a service, a service like a blog, you have to do things you don’t like. One of those hard, but important things is that every once in a while, you have to fire customers, or readers in our case.
Just below, in the article titled “How to Handle a Narcissist,” I talk about guess what, how to handle a narcissist. The thing is, personally I’d rather not handle any narcissists. I’d rather fire them.
So,
If you’re a narcissist. Please leave.
Everyone’s got a little bit of narcissism. I definitely have a nice little vein of it running through me, like a vein of silver in a mountain. It’s normal and healthy to have a bit, but you narcissists are like a ginormous mountain of pure silver.
You don’t care about others. Empathy isn’t even in you’re vocabulary. You’re conceited, vain, constantly anxious that others are giving you the credit you deserve, and a pain in the ass.
You’re fired.
Oh, and if you’re not a narcissist, please read the article below. I hope you find it helpful.
I think that men and women communicate differently.
Shocking observation, I know. I’m sure that statement will blow the minds of every single one of you. You never saw it coming. Completely out of left field. Like Galileo.
I’m being sarcastic. But seriously, I want to talk about one way we communicate differently.
Last night I was spending time with my gf and her friend. Her friend was having a mini-melt down over a conversation she had just finished with her bf (by the way, these mini-melt downs seem to happen to girls pretty consistently. I had no idea how much you girls talk about these things. crazy). Anyway, my gf was consoling, suportive, and basically coddled her friend like a baby.
I, on the other hand, did everything I could to stay out of the conversation, at first. I tried my best to watch The Office–which I don’t even like that much. It was very clear to me that this mini-melt down wasn’t even over something that was a big deal, so what help was I going to be. It was a silly miscommunication which would be really easy to fix:
She had read between the lines where she shouldn’t have. He hadn’t been as clear as he could have. Don’t read between the lines. Be more clear.
Done.
But no, we had to talk about it for 20 minutes. And that’s when I realized just how different men and women are. Well first of all, my gf wouldn’t let me be distracted. She would poke me in the middle of the convo and say, “Look at you, pretending to be distracted.”
“I’m not pretending,” I whispered. “I’m actually trying.”
“You’re so silly,” she said.
I felt a little guilty, so I turned off the office and listened, and actually it was good. Even though it was over a small thing, the conversation approached some pretty deep relationship issues, and I like deep. While the solution seemed so simple to me, and I took every opportunity I could to simplify it for her to something like,”JUST FIX IT ALREADY,” or better, “JUST GET OVER IT,” I saw the benefit in talking it out.
The big thing I noticed was the most important thing for men is to fix the problem. The most important thing for women is to nurture so the person feels better.
Both are good. Both are crucial actually. Both approaches require very different communication styles.
Shocking is it.
Oh, by the way, if you want relationship advice, don’t come to me if you need coddling. I’ll just tell you how to fix it. Sorry. It’s just the way I am.
It’s Friday, and on Friday’s, here at joebunting.com, we exclude. Sometimes we exclude people (like Good Charlotte). Sometimes we exclude feelings (like envy). Today, I’d like to ask the stupid germs in my body, the ones making me achy and giving me chills as I type this, to kindly leave.
It all started yesterday. I felt like crap all day. My bones hurt. My back hurt. I was dizzy. I was sick to my stomach (although I didn’t throw up like I did HERE which is good). Work had never been longer, especially because I had to make cold calls (I don’t like cold calls).
That’s a funny story, by the way. So I made my first cold call ever yesterday. I had a script and I was calling someone to follow up on a mailing we had sent them. The receptionist answers the phone and and says, “Hello, thank you for calling blah blah blah blah.” I couldn’t hear her.
So I asked, “Oh… hi… um… did you say this is [name of the place I was supposed to call].”
She said, “Yes, that’s right.”
I paused, confused, unsure of what to do next. Keep in mind this was my first cold call ever and that I was nervous and unhappy with having to do it in the first place.
“Oh… um…” Pause. “Sorry, I think I have the wrong number.”
“That’s quite alright. Have a good day.”
Pretty smooth, huh?
Anyway, germs, please leave. I don’t like you very much right now. Grr.
Please leave if you don’t want to go through despair to get to hope. Sometimes that’s what it takes. Oh, and please leave if you don’t think hope is important.
If a husband is not willing to have an argument (or discussion, as my parents used to say) over something he cares about and just gives in, or worse does the thing he cares about anyway, the marriage will fail. But if he has that argument, it might be harder at first, but in the long run it will pay off.
I was reminded of this today by Seth who posted an email he got from a missionary to the most destitute country in Africa, Swaziland. If we ignore the argument, the conflict that must take place in that country and in all of Africa, if we ignore the evil that is going on there, it might be easier on us in the short run, but what a price we will pay, we will all pay in the future!
Here is Kristen, the missionary’s email:
I woke to the singing of angels this morning as the sun came up and peered through the old curtains of the window in our room. They sang of the Lord’s provision of his love and his power. “Your light will shine when all else fades…”
These songs are what keep me longing to hear more in such a silent place sometimes. The silence is deafening.
We don’t TALK about how HIV AIDS is killing our families and our neighbors.
We don’t TALK about how Thandi has been faithful to her husband and he has given her AIDS because he has been sleeping around. And she is fearful to tell him because he will blame her for giving it to him. And now her children will be left to be put to intense work by him.
We don’t TALK about the status of women here and how they are beaten and abused. We don’t TALK about how a swazi women cannot refuse her husband sex, even if she knows he is infected.
We don’t TALK about the little girl down the road that was sold by her own mother to a neighbor to be a slave girl for her. We don’t TALK about the brothels in Swaziland run by 18 year olds and the American business men who come for the little 8 year old girl.
We don’t TALK about the children abandoned by aids that live with the grandparents, until the step grandfather decided he doesn’t want them because they will eat his food.
We don’t TALK about all the witchcraft surrounding Swaziland and the darkness that is here. We don’t TALK about the prostitute and her pimp that came here yesterday to see her two sons just to size them up to see when they can come for holiday to visit. And by visit they mean for them to work sexually. These are two of my Swazi brothers who I have loved the last three years and played with and now lived with. But we don’t TALK about it.
We don’t TALK about how I have shaken the hands of these men and I feel a groaning in my spirit because these are some of the same hands that have beat and raped. But we don’t TALK about that. We DON’T TALK ABOUT IT.
Why the hell not? My heart is screaming. My wounded soul is desperate for people at home to TALK. And if you won’t talk then I will. And you could at least have the decency to listen.
God gave you ears to hear. Eyes to see. How can anyone who hears these things and sees these things turn away? Yes when we TALK about it, it hurts. It seems overwhelming. It is too much, too sad and we ask, “What is the point if no one seems to be listening or wanting to see change?”
The point is we can change the children. We can change this next generation. What is going to happen to these children if we leave them because we thought it was too hard?
We have to start talking.
You might not be, but sometimes I am. This post is a day late because yesterday I made the 8 hour drive up to Santa Rosa (an hour or so north of San Francisco) for my beautiful cousin Kristin Harold’s wedding. It’s great to be here, but family can be a bitch.
We all have our faults, but one of mine is a tendency to be a pleaser around people I’m not very comfortable with. This includes my extended family. With the increase of mobility in our society, families tend to see less and less of each other. This blanket statement is as true of my family as any other. I see my uncle, aunt, and two cousins once a year or so. If we’re lucky, maybe twice. It’s hard to build much of a relationship with so little face time.
Anyway, we were at the rehearsal dinner last night and I found myself saying things just because I thought they would please my family. Worse, I found myself getting discouraged about my job and the things I’m doing because they didn’t meet my extended family’s definitions of what life is all about.
So today, on joebunting.com, we are going to do what we always do at the end of a long, tiring week. We are going to exclude.
Joe Bunting the schmoozing ass kisser. Get the eff out. We never liked you much anyway. Tonight I will be real. Tonight I will be me. The true thing to say might be hard, but it must be said.
Hey, kind of like that John Mayer song that all my friends hate.
Say what you need to say (x a million)
Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.
Even as the eyes are closin’,
Do it with a heart wide open.
Please Leave If [vol. 15]
This week I’ve been writing about some of my favorite blogs, but today is Friday, and on Friday’s here at joebunting.com, we helpfully exclude. That means today we will be sharing some of the blogs we think are less than worthy of our attention.
This is my 10 Things I Hate About You(r Blog) list:
10. Not enough content. Every once in a while I come across a blog like this one with like five posts. They started writing three weeks ago and haven’t built up much content. They’re newbs, freshman, and the only cure is to write more. Most blogs aren’t viable unless they have 10 posts per month for 3 months. Seth and Seth have been blogging since 2007 and 2005, respectively. When you see archives like that you sit up and listen, no matter how bad their writing might be. Consistency over a long period is one of the best proofs you’re here to stay and that I should be reading regularly.
9. Bad grammar / spelling. We all make mistakes, but when there’s one in every sentence my intelligence is insulted.
8. Too many ads. A little adsense on the sidebar or at the top is cool, but when it’s stuffed between every nook and cranny where you can’t even tell where a post ends and the next one begins, I get angry.
7. No Technorati. My friend Jessica Fairchild’s awesome photography blog isn’t set up with Technorati. I love Technorati and use it to keep all my favorite blogs in one spot. Since she doesn’t have her blog set up, I hardly ever read her blog. Bummer because she has some really great pics on it.
6 & 5. Posts are too long or too dense. My friend Rochelle started a blog to document her experience teaching in the toughest school in Chicago. It’s a great subject, but the problem is her posts don’t have any paragraph separation. Oh yeah, and they’re about 5,000 words long. It makes for a slow, grueling read.
4. Unfocused subject matter. Might be a good criticism for my blog. It’s supposed to be about my music, but it’s become anything I want it to be about, from driving to the art of blogging. Would I read my own blog? Would you read yours? Good question to consider.
3. Narcisism. I was reading this personal development blog (I’d link it but I couldn’t find it again) when out of nowhere the guy started talking about his new diet. I guess that’s kind of an okay thing to write about as a personal development coach, but the worst part came when he started talking about why he was writing about it. He said, “And since everything I write on this blog turns into revenue… blah blah blah.” I tuned him out after that.
What a creep! If you really think everything you write turns magically into gold you’re kidding yourself. What a narcisistic thing to say! As if the only thing that mattered was his making money, not content, not quality, just him. From a personal development coach! Not a very good once I guess.
2. Where’s the actual writing?! Before Joe Jr. changed his layout, the music coaching site, Spinme.com was one of the most frustrating blogs I’ve ever read. Instead of writing consistently, he put up links to things he was reading. This looked way too much like his adsense (placed before and after each post… yikes!), and so you never really knew what was his writing and what was him trying to make money. Now it’s less a blog and more of a website, which actually works for him.
1. When they die. Three weeks after My Little Ghost Friend promised in vain she’d be resurrecting her blog after a month long hiatus, I deleted her blog from my Technorati favorites. It was sad because I liked it a lot, but it had to be done.
Take my list with a grain of salt, like everything in this series. This is my opinion, and thus, is not true for everyone all the time.
For those of you writing your own blog, though, give it some thought.
Have a great weekend!
